Mumblings of two bickering boys…

As soon as Josh got home from school the other day, him and Caleb started bantering back and forth. It was getting on my nerves, but after about 5 minutes of it… I opted to not say anything and just record what they said. I had little to no contributions to the conversation, but they just kept going… it was actually more fun to be an observer then a contributer and now when I go back and read it, it actually was quite funny! Maybe you'll get a kick out of it too.


C- There is lava under the ground.
J- Not everywhere.
C- Mom, is there lava under the roads? … pause.... if there wasn’t lava under the roads, then what IS under the roads?
J- gravel.
C- Mom, what’s gravel?


C- Brooks can talk
J – no he can’t…
C- yes he can, he can say grandpa.
J- nooooo, he says Dad. He doesn’t say Grandpa.
C-Mom, can Brooks say grandpa?
...pause...
J- She's not getting in the middle of this.

J – I remember when you weren’t even alive yet.
C- No you don’t.
J- yes I do.
C – Was Mom alive yet? Or was she already dead?
J- YEEEEES she was alive (laughing).


J- Can I have soda? ….. please?.... pause.... Caleb already did… I can tell by the look on his face! (Caleb turned around guiltily to reveal his red mustache. Josh was right right. Caleb had some for lunch. Josh proceeds to pour himself some pop.)

J- you are a baby… because you don’t want to watch "Monster House".
C- Mom, Josh keeps saying I’m a baby.
J- Maybe because you are one.
C- I don’t like you… and YOU’RE the baby!
J- Mom, Caleb said I was a baby.

J- Caleb, if I weren’t born yet, what would you be doing?
C- I would play Wii.
J- If I wasn’t born, you wouldn’t have that Wii because I got it for MY birthday.
C- Play legos?
J-No, you wouldn’t have that either
C- I would play xbox? ....pause... Would I have clothes?
J- You would not have any of that stuff, because pretty much everything in this house used to be mine.


C- under his breath to himself… We wouldn’t have these strawberries? (if Josh wasn’t born yet)
J-Caleb, you’re putting your dirty hands all over the strawberries!
C- I cleaned my hands.
J- they don’t LOOK clean!... let me smell them. (hmmm, where has he heard THAT before?)

C- Brooks can have peanut butter/jelly now. He’s old enough.

C – Would we have this water? (if Josh waan’t born yet?)

J- (muttering to himself while doing his homework) Man, I can’t do anything today, all because of me! Now I have to go to bed early because I talked back… a half an hour is a long time!

J-Can we have a friend over to play?
Mom- I don’t know… you guys have been fighting with each other since you got home.
J- I know, it was kind of fun. We haven’t done that in awhile.

Going back to the conversation about what Caleb would do if Josh wasn’t born yet…
C – would we have this cup?
J- If I wasn’t born yet, you would just sit there and drool…
C- (speechless)

Then they just disappeared into the playroom, and I haven’t heard a peep out of them!

toilet... shmoilet

A couple weeks ago, Brooks threw the TV remote to our bedroom TV into the toilet. It no longer works. The cable remote does change the channels, so if we choose to lay in bed and "surf" we can still do so... however, volume control and turning the TV off is now impossible unless you get out of bed.

(This is the part where I divulge how lazy we really are!)
When you're tired and on the verge of drifting off to sleep, the last thing you want to do is get out of that nice, warm bed, just to turn off the TV. So, the result is, we don't watch TV in bed anymore. It's just not worth it.

(This is the part where I redeem myself!)
Now, 2 weeks later, I'm proud to say we are making better use of our night-time hours. I am reading more and Mike is rediscovering an old hobby. It's great... I feel so much more productive and so much more empowered because I'm not allowing my "brain to go to mush", which is what I always tell the kids.

Who knows?... maybe I'll just put the other TV remote in "the toilet" as well. My next post might be about how me and Mike are having conversations longer then the average commercial break.

Brooks Bond... 007

Brooks, my 18 month old, has a knack for slipping, unnoticed, into rooms and shutting the door behind him. This immediately gets him off my radar, because when I see a closed door, I assume that it kept him out. It's only after I've looked in every other opened-door-room that it finally dawns on me that he's managed to disarm the door and slip in undetected. The end result can often be catastrophic! You might wonder how I can be fooled so easily... trust me, I wonder the same thing... especially when it happens daily.

Here's how I think he does it. He quietly awaits. He is constantly plotting, and uses his seemingly innocent "playing" as a decoy. He has learned my pattern of behavior and can calculate the exact time it takes me to rotate a batch of laundry, or unload a dishwasher. He has an acute sense of timing, despite his inability to tell time. But most importantly, his ability to sense my moment of weakness, (along with his highly sensitive cloaking device) and sneak beyond enemy lines, which leads me to believe that he truly is a mastermind!

Here are a few of his recent victories...

--toilet paper roll emptied onto bathroom floor
--toothpaste mountain on the bathroom counter
--clothes from his drawers strewn all over the room and mixed in with dirty clothes pile... what's clean? what's dirty?
--permanent marker on the couch, wall and window

and my personal favorite...

--remote control in the toilet

Bravo Brooks... I've been foiled again!
Here's the little bugger dancing because he got hold of the xbox remote!

"Don't tell Mom!"

People can't keep a secret. I myself have been guilty of passing along a scandalous tid-bit (of my own, or someone else's), but deep down I'm leery of the consequences of the divulgence. Basically, I know that if I let something slip, it's bound to hit the fan and become public knowledge. So, to prevent it from happening, I either, 1) keep the truly juicy stuff to myself... or 2) do not utter the words, "How did anyone know?"

But I'm amazed how a vast majority of the population, including my children, have yet to figure out this seemingly simple "cause-and-effect" rule of the universe. Because time after time I have witnessed countless people make a mistake or do something stupid and then deliberately tell someone all about it. And then days, weeks or even months later they are utterly astonished how anyone could have found out!

So, I have three examples to help illustrate my point...

1) I came downstairs one morning to find a heap of colorful tin wrappers scattered all over the counter. I did a quick scan at the faces of my two young sons and after a quiet deliberation in my head, came to the conclusion that the chocolate-face-Caleb was the culprit. His obvious failure to conceal the evidence was his own demise, however, he repeatedly blamed his elder brother, Josh for telling on him.

2) I recently read a post on facebook where the person divulged, "totally disappointed in my very best friend". Do they really think that so-and-so is going to ask another so-and-so if they saw so-and-so's message on facebook... and that maybe this will continue round and round until the best friend actually finds out that they are a total disappointment? Maybe this is just the poster's passive-aggressive attempt at getting even... but is it possible that people are really clueless enough to think that if they make a general statement that people can't connect the dots and figure out who they are talking about? Do people really believe that they can spout off whatever comes to mind, and that there will be no consequences for their actions?

3) I overheard a conversation last night between sons #1 and #2. I was doing the night-time-quick-pick-up, and Josh and Caleb were in their rooms getting jammies on. I wasn't sure... but I assumed that their conversation had something to do with a large collection of socks under the bed. There was some more whispering, and then I heard the words, "Don't tell Mom!" So far, no one has come forward or tattled about the contraband under the bed. And under more serious circumstances, those words "don't tell mom" might cause me to cringe and worry into the night, and construct a plan to nudge the guilty one to come forward. But since their crime was just a pile of dirty socks, I think I'll overlook it... at least until laundry day!

Walmart is also offering parenting classes...

I spent an hour at Walmart this morning... doing a little grocery shopping... but mainly finding supplies to decorate a Boy Scout 100 year Anniversary Cake for the Blue and Gold Banquet tomorrow night.

Brooks, my almost 17 month-old, is a very happy little guy, and usually enjoys being my little shopping side-kick. But he also has a mind of his own and is often compelled to spontaneously act out violently by arching his back, kicking, throwing things, and hitting me. It's been especially bad the past 2 days, and I have come to the conclusion that he must be suffering from MBS... "Mad Baby Syndrome". The only remedy to MBS is snacks, bottles (yes, we're both still addicted to the bottle in spite of recommendations from the pediatrician), lots of cuddle time, the freedom to walk around where one chooses, and to NOT be buckled in a car seat! Unfortunately, after only 45 minutes, he consumed all the snacks and juice in my loaded diaper bag, and managed to throw every single book/toy across every single isle in the store. So I zipped up my bag, hurried to find fondant and chocolate covered raisins all while trying to ignore the wimpering/crying/yelling baby in the basket.

By the time we got to the check-out stand, the MBS had completely taken over and he was not fit to be reasoned with. He continued to wail and cry... and threw his binky over the candy display and into the next check out line. Thank goodness no one was injured.

The cashier was very nice at first and tried to talk to him... he was silenced for a minute to take notice of her bleach-blonde mohawk, before the crying continued.

To be perfectly honest, I wasn't bothered one bit. I knew he just wanted to go home and play, so the mutual agony would inevitably be over soon. I was just doing my best to load my cart and get out of there as soon as possible.

It became very obvious, however, that the cashier had lost her patience when a river of advice came gushing out her as if a dam had broken.

Here are my favorite parts...

Cashier: "I see that your mommy didn't buy you any goldfish!"

I tried to explain that we had a 3-month supply of goldfish at home. Apparently that wasn't her purpose in saying that, because she continued....

Cashier: "Well, I like to put different snacks and stuff in those handy little zip-lock baggy things. And sometimes I carry a bag that has little toys, or books or something so they don't get bored and cry while I'm running errands."

I'm actually speechless at this point. My diaper bag is green... and if you squint it might give the illusion of camoflauge. But we're hardly in the middle of the forest, so it's a stretch that she doesn't see it heaping out of the cart next to Brooks. But regardless, does she really think that the reason for Brooks' MBS behavior is because I was unprepared? The thought of that makes my stomach churn... and I choose to force a slight smile instead of uttering the insensitive, rude remark that is running through my head.

Cashier: "Maybe he just wants a pacifier or something."

She obviously missed the UFO that landed in Check Out Line #7.

She continued to spout out suggestions with a smart-alick sort of tone... but I tried to just block it out. She was now scanning my bananas, bread and eggs, so I much preferred to swipe my card and just get out of there, because lucky for her, I didn't have PMS today!

1 diaper left...

I HATE going to the grocery store. Every time I go, I swear it will be my last... but 2 weeks later, it's time again to make another run.

I've needed to go now for about 3-4 days, but keep putting it off... I much preferred rummaging through my "food storage" to see what I could "come up with" before spending 1 1/2 hours shopping, loading up the car, unloading the car and putting it all away. And after 10+ years, I don't think I'm overstating it... grocery shopping is really the bane of my existence!

But I've searched the entire house, and I only have 1 diaper left. How did I let my supply get so low? I thought I knew better. But now I have to get dressed and comb my hair on a Friday when I did not have another reason in the world to leave the house today. My plan to hunker down, play with the kids, and maybe do a few batches of laundry?... foiled again! Maybe it's time to break into that package of emergency cloth diapers just to save my soul... (scratch my head as I consider the consequences of using a cloth diaper)... Time to put on a bra and head out for the day.

I should've slept in today.

I think I know "the schools" better then they know themselves.

We woke up this morning to 2 inches of fresh snow, and it was still snowing. I checked the messages, and the news, and they hadn't cancelled school yet. I kept dragging my feet on getting ready, because I knew that this "storm" was worthy of canceling school.

I do need to clarify something -- I'm an Alaskan -- I personally do not believe in canceling school, or ANYTHING for that matter, just because of a little snow, or even a lot of snow for that matter! In fact, I only remember one time where school was canceled in Alaska, and it wasn't because of snow... it was because of severe cold (-40 or colder). But after ten years of living here in Richmond, I've learned to predict when school will be canceled. And after much reluctance, I realize that not everyone is used to driving in snow, and that Virginia does not have the resources to adequately clear snow. Therefore, I understand the need to cancel school, work and church... even though I think it's completely ridiculous, and I often feel like the laughing stock of my fellow Alaskans.

So the reason for my frustration this morning, is not because they canceled school.... it's because they canceled school at 7:33 a.m.!

I can read minds... and I know what the school county officials were thinking.... "We've already cancelled school for 4 days, and delayed it 2 hours one day... we really don't want to cancel it again. Maybe if we wait a little longer, it will all just disappear! We can't make decisions. We don't know what to do! Oh wait, I know! Let's wait until 17 minutes before school starts... when people have already shoveled their driveways and brushed off their cars, when buses are already picking up kids, when kids are already arriving at school, and when parents have already left for work! Yes, that's a great idea!... Make the calls!"

So now, after an emergency canceling of schools due to inclement weather the snow stops falling 48 minutes later. It's almost embarrassing that after just 2 inches of snow, once again, everything is shut down.

Now, my eyes are burning and I'm very tired... and I wish that I was still in bed, oblivious to all this snow drama.

music in the playroom is like magic!

As you know, I've been rearranging, revamping, reorganizing, redoing, reframing, basically all things "re---". So I had a little cd player that needed a home, so up to the playroom it went. I turned it on just for kicks, and it was almost hypnotizing to my 4 year-old and 1 year-old.

There was a little dancing, but there was a lot of "organized play". They just went about their business and played so great independently and together. WHY DID I NOT THINK OF THIS BEFORE??

The Domino Effect...

... the consequence of one event setting off a chain of similar events...

This has been happening at my house lately.

It all began when I decided to move an armoir upstairs into the playroom to hold the Wii, DVD player and computer. My husband and a friend tackled the treacherous and death-defying stunt of carrying the armoir up the stairs in our 2-story foyer... They wrenched their backs with every step, and I swooned in fear at every pivot. According to my calculations and knowledge of angles and physics, I was certain, on 6 separate occasions, that it would topple over the railing and crash to it's demise. After what seemed like forever, and nothing short of miracle, the armoir found a cozy little corner of the playroom for its home, hopefully for a long time, since I know Mike will never want to move it again!


In the meantime, we inherited a free red couch from a friend. After much debate, we decided to put the couch in the playroom for comfy seating. But after unhinging the door and entertaining the thought of cutting off the legs, the couch would not fit through the door. So back down it went. Shoved into a corner, it sat there unbalanced in the room. At first, it seemed like there was no way to make 2 semi-large couches fit into this small room. But, I made a 911-call to another friend to help remedy the "dilemma of 2 couches" in the living room. We brainstormed... we shifted and moved... we imagined and visualized for almost 2 hours. This is testimony that ANYTHING is possible when 2 moms put their heads together to rearrange a room. It may be breaking a few rules, and it's far from perfect... but it will get me by for now.


All of this triggered a series of unavoidable events... "bring the desk upstairs downstairs and put it behind the couch, take apart that playhouse and move it outside, move the bookcase in the hallway into the playroom, move these pictures there, and put those pictures over there, bring that table out of the garage and put it up there, move that end table over here, move the piano over there"... and all of this moving around calls for "uh-oh, vacuum over there... sweep up over here..." It also invoked some serious motivation to "frame this picture and put it there... and hang up that mirror there... and scour the attic for something to fill up that wall there... and spend all afternoon painting some artwork for that room". Then there's the endless task of "clean out that basket so I can put it here... and dump out that one because I think it will look cuter over there... and now what do I do with all these piles HERE?"

It's an endless process, and I'm not even close to being done. But it's been an adventure and it keeps me busy, my husband guessing and the kids tripping over everything in sight! Despite how it sounds, this has not been a series of unfortunate events... but rather a chain-reaction of little jobs that will hopefully help things to run smoother around here. And in the end, maybe I'll be able to enjoy it before the cycle starts all over again!

what's the big deal about a dropping ball?

Here is a summary of a phone conversation, or rather, a series of random thoughts, I had with my sister, ShaLene, on New Year's Eve...

"New Year's Eve is so overrated... especially when you have kids, you don't drink, and you'd prefer not to stay up past midnight. So, why people flock to New York City to watch a giant ball of lights fall slowly down a pole has always been a mystery to me!... it actually seems a bit backwards...a ball dropping? Really? ... I would much rather see a ball of lights shooting into the sky and exploding, triggering a full-blown fireworks show that was put to music! ... and now that I think about it, who really cares about a big ball?... what about a screeching rocket, that upon the stroke of midnight, explodes into fireworks... And better yet, they could have something parachute down.... what about penguins? yeah, and once they reach the ground, they could perform a choreographed routine similar to, but better then, their original debut on Mary Poppins!.... But that would be hard to train penguins to parachute and dance... So let's just stick to the screeching rocket exploding into a fireworks display. But then what about the rocket pieces plummeting out of the sky and hitting people in the streets? Hmmm... Well, maybe it shouldn't actually explode... Hmmm... I guess something shooting into the air does have it's down-sides.... Well, maybe instead of the ball floating slowly down, the ball should come crashing downward at an unbelievable speed and explode down at the bottom?? Ooh yeah... that would be cool... and the anticipation of waiting for the crash would be a lot better then just waiting for the ball to eventually reach the bottom after 30 seconds, and then light up. Yes, a fast-dropping ball would be much better.... But then again, if the ball crashed into a million pieces, they would have to make a new ball every year, and THAT would get expensive...and who would be paying for that??? Taxpayers.... so no, scratch the idea of the exploding-lightning speed-dropping ball.

Hmmmm.... ya know, maybe the "National New Year's Eve Committee" already thought of all this... they wanted to do something dramatic and exciting like screeching rockets, dancing penguins and fast exploding balls... but there just wasn't enough resources to do it every year. So they had to just stick to the basics.... Yes, I think a ball dropping slowly 30 seconds prior to the stroke of midnight IS a good idea. And ya know, they DO have the new year light up at the bottom... so that's pretty cool. And they drop a lot of confetti, and that's kinda fun.

So, I guess a ball dropping is pretty cool... and it's what people are used to and have grown up watching... so I guess it's a fun national tradition! I guess it would be fun to go to NYC and see it in real life someday."

Hope you all had a Happy New Year!!!