As the hospital stay drew to a close, the feeling was bitter-sweet. I hated being cooped up in that little room, with the uncomfortable bed, thin pillows, and limited cable TV, but I did thoroughly enjoy the quiet, one-on-one time spent memorizing every feature of his miniature face, the snuggly afternoon naps, and meals being delivered to my bedside each day. Despite the one-on-one Mommy/Baby time that I craved, I was looking forward to bringing this little bundle into our home and introducing him to my other boys, Josh and Caleb.
My mom had flown in from Alaska the night before, and so I hadn't been able to see her yet... so when they all arrived at the hospital to bring me home that morning, I was overwhelmed with excitement. We loaded everything in the car and made our way home.
It was a warm, Sunday afternoon. The house was clean and it was refreshing to breath in the "smell" of our home. It's funny how you get used to it, but you realize it again when you come back after a period of time. It smelled good to me. It also felt good to just sit down and watch my husband scurry to put things away and get everything comfortable for me. I had learned twice before that I had to cherish his efforts while I could because that "just home from the hospital" state wears off way too soon.
Before too long, it was time to feed the baby... again. This was my 3rd time around with the nursing thing, but it takes a little practice to re-learn the art of being discreet. This time was especially intimidating because I had two sets of curious eyes on me... two sets of curious LITTLE BOY eyes, to be more specific. They were inching closer and closer. I could feel boney little knees and elbows digging into my legs and shoulders and side. I felt like my insides were a rushing river, and my body was the dam holding it all in... and with each breath on my cheek, stroke from their hands, and whisper in my ear, it was like one hole being poked into that dam! I felt like I was going to burst! I love all my children... but the state I was in was overwhelming! My hormones were raging, my body was sore, and my emotions were running over! I shot a desperate look at my mom, who hadn't noticed my ragged state of being yet, and whispered very quietly, "I feel like I want to throw them across the room!" She looked startled, as if a fog horn had gone off, and she jumped to action escorting the boys upstairs!
I was surprised, that almost as quickly as the anxiety had built up inside, the pressure had released. Washing away like the tide. What was wrong with me?
Thankfully, I realized I was not alone... and that my mom often felt the same way. And looking back, that "over-stimulation" feeling didn't last very long. The newness of the baby wore off, and I was able to go back to juggling things the way I always did with 2 kids... thank goodness! Life goes on!
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