Today I felt like I was on stage in my very own Reality Show!
SCENE 1: Me and the boys went to the park, and had a very pleasant time. (Cue symphony and sunlight) Josh and Caleb were polite and playing nicely with each other. Eventually, after 1 1/2 hours of blissful romping, I thought to myself, "Well, it's about time to go". My children appeared spontaneously, and gathered around me, as if they had just read my mind. I said, "Shall we go?", and they all nodded and skipped happily to the car, helping each other in and fastening their seat belts. I could almost hear the "crowd" sighing with delight... "Aaaahhh!"... as they watched our melodious exit from the park! The boys asked to go inside McDonald's for lunch. This is something I rarely do anymore because it's always such a fiasco, but this time, I felt confident that it would be a good day to splurge.
SCENE 2: We fumbled with the door on the way into McDonald's, and I immediately could feel all eyes were on us. I ordered our food, and started filling up drinks. This was a bit cumbersome because I was holding my 1 year-old on my hip, a large diaper bag over one shoulder, and trying to maneuver around the crowded drink station. Josh and Caleb couldn't have been more angelic as they held their cups carefully, and volunteered to collect the napkins and straws. I told them to go into the kids area and find an empty table. While they went on ahead, I filled up ketchup cups with my one free hand, (I could almost hear the applause) and then carried the towering tray of food into the play area to find the boys. On my way there, a man turned around without seeing me, and I could almost hear the gasps from the crowd, as I lifted the tray over my head with my one hand (not even one fry fell), baby on hip, large diaper bag over one shoulder, and did a little three-quarter spin to avoid collision. I resisted the urge to say "Ta-Dah", and take a bow when I realized my audience was not impressed... tough crowd.
I thought Josh was coming to my rescue to open the door. But the crocodile tears were only a foreshadowing of what lay ahead.
(Cue evil, villian music)
SCENE 3: Apparently, in an attempt to set down 3 drinks at once, Josh had spilled my medium sized pop. I struggled to remain calm and understanding. I walked over to the disaster zone, and saw a waterfall of root beer flowing over the table, onto a chair and then pooling onto the floor amidst boulders of ice. There were splatters around the circumference of the table within inches of other people's feet. Our wet and sticky table was the only empty table in the entire vicinity, and we were surrounded by spectators on all sides. All of them were staring at us.
I couldn't help but recreate the scene in my mind. Two small boys carrying drinks, searching for an empty table without an adult... the drink spills, and they become flustered wondering what to do. Everyone stares. No one offers to help.
(Cue my entrance.) I'm not much help either. I don't have enough napkins to even make a dent, and I'm still carrying a baby on my hip, gigantic over the shoulder diaper bag, and a tray of food which more accurately resembles the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Meanwhile, I can hear the booing and hissing from the audience, and I even had to dodge a few peanuts as I exited stage left. I looked around desperately for some help. All eyes quickly avert. So I abandon Josh and Caleb once again to go get help. A uniformed man reluctantly and hesitantly follows me on stage, and suddenly becomes disgusted with his role. I awkwardly gather up all the food, and wrap my foot around a high chair, and kick it out the door into the main part of the restaurant because I don't have a free hand, and begin the search for another empty table. I turn and give one last look at my disappointed audience... they all breath a sigh of relief... END SCENE!
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