Walmart is also offering parenting classes...

I spent an hour at Walmart this morning... doing a little grocery shopping... but mainly finding supplies to decorate a Boy Scout 100 year Anniversary Cake for the Blue and Gold Banquet tomorrow night.

Brooks, my almost 17 month-old, is a very happy little guy, and usually enjoys being my little shopping side-kick. But he also has a mind of his own and is often compelled to spontaneously act out violently by arching his back, kicking, throwing things, and hitting me. It's been especially bad the past 2 days, and I have come to the conclusion that he must be suffering from MBS... "Mad Baby Syndrome". The only remedy to MBS is snacks, bottles (yes, we're both still addicted to the bottle in spite of recommendations from the pediatrician), lots of cuddle time, the freedom to walk around where one chooses, and to NOT be buckled in a car seat! Unfortunately, after only 45 minutes, he consumed all the snacks and juice in my loaded diaper bag, and managed to throw every single book/toy across every single isle in the store. So I zipped up my bag, hurried to find fondant and chocolate covered raisins all while trying to ignore the wimpering/crying/yelling baby in the basket.

By the time we got to the check-out stand, the MBS had completely taken over and he was not fit to be reasoned with. He continued to wail and cry... and threw his binky over the candy display and into the next check out line. Thank goodness no one was injured.

The cashier was very nice at first and tried to talk to him... he was silenced for a minute to take notice of her bleach-blonde mohawk, before the crying continued.

To be perfectly honest, I wasn't bothered one bit. I knew he just wanted to go home and play, so the mutual agony would inevitably be over soon. I was just doing my best to load my cart and get out of there as soon as possible.

It became very obvious, however, that the cashier had lost her patience when a river of advice came gushing out her as if a dam had broken.

Here are my favorite parts...

Cashier: "I see that your mommy didn't buy you any goldfish!"

I tried to explain that we had a 3-month supply of goldfish at home. Apparently that wasn't her purpose in saying that, because she continued....

Cashier: "Well, I like to put different snacks and stuff in those handy little zip-lock baggy things. And sometimes I carry a bag that has little toys, or books or something so they don't get bored and cry while I'm running errands."

I'm actually speechless at this point. My diaper bag is green... and if you squint it might give the illusion of camoflauge. But we're hardly in the middle of the forest, so it's a stretch that she doesn't see it heaping out of the cart next to Brooks. But regardless, does she really think that the reason for Brooks' MBS behavior is because I was unprepared? The thought of that makes my stomach churn... and I choose to force a slight smile instead of uttering the insensitive, rude remark that is running through my head.

Cashier: "Maybe he just wants a pacifier or something."

She obviously missed the UFO that landed in Check Out Line #7.

She continued to spout out suggestions with a smart-alick sort of tone... but I tried to just block it out. She was now scanning my bananas, bread and eggs, so I much preferred to swipe my card and just get out of there, because lucky for her, I didn't have PMS today!


9 Responses to "Walmart is also offering parenting classes..."

Laurene Ross said... February 23, 2010 at 2:06 PM

You are so nice. I would say," Really,...... and the haircut and... this job... are all part of a field study you are conducting on human behavior for your PHD in child psychology?!!? Really?...Do you have any pamphlets on child discipline, because as you can see....I need all the help I can get since being released from the asylum.....any more advice you want to give:).

Emily said... February 23, 2010 at 2:36 PM

I never realized how much free advice you can get while shopping until I had kids to take with me. I find myself doing things sometimes just so no little old lady will stop and cluck her tounge at me (i.e. putting a jacket on my kid even when its not that cold out and we're going to be outside for a whopping 30 seconds as we walk from the car into the store).

I spend a year of pre-motherhood college as a WalMart cashier. I hope I never clucked at anyone, but since becoming a mom, I seriously wish I could take back some of the things I thought about parents I saw. Oh what I didn't know then!

And I'm with Laurene - kudos to you for clamping on that smile and not responding.

My other shopping pet peeve is when cashiers commentate on what I'm buying!

Anonymous said... February 23, 2010 at 3:40 PM

The cashier is very lucky she had the older more zen-like sister in her lane,the wrath of NaDene would have changed her life forever!! haha!! Love ya!!

Trentadue Tidbits said... February 23, 2010 at 4:52 PM

thanks gals... and I must say, I'm not in that "zen-mode" very often.... but it actually felt good to just let it roll!

Anonymous said... February 24, 2010 at 5:22 PM

HEY!!!!! I thought you would pick up on the fact that it was NaDene's husband your bro-inlaw I'm not one of the GAL'S!!!! GEEZ!!!! haha!!

Patience said... February 25, 2010 at 5:51 PM

That's reason #567 why I do NOT like shopping with my kids in tow! But, hey, in retrospect it does make for a good story.

Anonymous said... February 25, 2010 at 10:44 PM

NADENE'S WRATH..huh!! I never thought I would see that blogged all over the internet...especially from my husband!! Thanks honey!! Although I would agree I'm sure I wouldn't have been so kind as to listen to mohawk mom tell me how to parent. Another reason I look up to my big and little sis. Love you guys, NaDene

Trentadue Tidbits said... February 26, 2010 at 6:59 PM

Lee, very funny trick... although I have to say, that I'm flattered that you read my blog!!

And sorry NaDene.... but in my defense, I have heard you utter the words "wrath of NaDene" before... although, in NaDene's defense, now that she's soon to be a mother of 5, she's much more zen then me.

Parley and Katie Call said... March 22, 2010 at 1:42 AM

I haven't checked your blog in forever and I'm glad I did...I am laughing! I don't even have kids and I can tell this lady was an idiot! I get lame comments like that all the time, but from medical professionals and it's frustrating...but hilarious afterwards. :) Hope you guys are doing well!

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