Walmart is also offering parenting classes...

I spent an hour at Walmart this morning... doing a little grocery shopping... but mainly finding supplies to decorate a Boy Scout 100 year Anniversary Cake for the Blue and Gold Banquet tomorrow night.

Brooks, my almost 17 month-old, is a very happy little guy, and usually enjoys being my little shopping side-kick. But he also has a mind of his own and is often compelled to spontaneously act out violently by arching his back, kicking, throwing things, and hitting me. It's been especially bad the past 2 days, and I have come to the conclusion that he must be suffering from MBS... "Mad Baby Syndrome". The only remedy to MBS is snacks, bottles (yes, we're both still addicted to the bottle in spite of recommendations from the pediatrician), lots of cuddle time, the freedom to walk around where one chooses, and to NOT be buckled in a car seat! Unfortunately, after only 45 minutes, he consumed all the snacks and juice in my loaded diaper bag, and managed to throw every single book/toy across every single isle in the store. So I zipped up my bag, hurried to find fondant and chocolate covered raisins all while trying to ignore the wimpering/crying/yelling baby in the basket.

By the time we got to the check-out stand, the MBS had completely taken over and he was not fit to be reasoned with. He continued to wail and cry... and threw his binky over the candy display and into the next check out line. Thank goodness no one was injured.

The cashier was very nice at first and tried to talk to him... he was silenced for a minute to take notice of her bleach-blonde mohawk, before the crying continued.

To be perfectly honest, I wasn't bothered one bit. I knew he just wanted to go home and play, so the mutual agony would inevitably be over soon. I was just doing my best to load my cart and get out of there as soon as possible.

It became very obvious, however, that the cashier had lost her patience when a river of advice came gushing out her as if a dam had broken.

Here are my favorite parts...

Cashier: "I see that your mommy didn't buy you any goldfish!"

I tried to explain that we had a 3-month supply of goldfish at home. Apparently that wasn't her purpose in saying that, because she continued....

Cashier: "Well, I like to put different snacks and stuff in those handy little zip-lock baggy things. And sometimes I carry a bag that has little toys, or books or something so they don't get bored and cry while I'm running errands."

I'm actually speechless at this point. My diaper bag is green... and if you squint it might give the illusion of camoflauge. But we're hardly in the middle of the forest, so it's a stretch that she doesn't see it heaping out of the cart next to Brooks. But regardless, does she really think that the reason for Brooks' MBS behavior is because I was unprepared? The thought of that makes my stomach churn... and I choose to force a slight smile instead of uttering the insensitive, rude remark that is running through my head.

Cashier: "Maybe he just wants a pacifier or something."

She obviously missed the UFO that landed in Check Out Line #7.

She continued to spout out suggestions with a smart-alick sort of tone... but I tried to just block it out. She was now scanning my bananas, bread and eggs, so I much preferred to swipe my card and just get out of there, because lucky for her, I didn't have PMS today!