gave myself a headache

Yesterday afternoon, I decided that I was going to "play legos" with the boys. What started out as a fun, creative afternoon, turned into me squinting and scrutinizing over thousands of lego pieces in search of every piece in a Fire Station lego set.

See, I've realized that they don't really get to play with their creations because they fall apart so easily, and end up in the "lego graveyard" (aka 3 giant plastic drawers) never to be seen again. So I took the advice of a friend and started the painful process of super-gluing a few favorites.

Eventually the boys lost interest... and the only remaining lego die-hard was yours truly. At one point I had to pee, but I was afraid I'd lose my focus, so I pushed on. I started getting hungry, but I perservered, until the boys brought me some granola bar scraps. I even ignored the taunting by my husband to give up.

It's now Monday afternoon, and I'm considering getting a good start on the hunt so they can build it when they get home. See, I'm a good mom... I simply hunt for the tiny pieces, so they can put it together. Although, for the record, it's killing me to wait... something about the need to finish a job.

But hey, our 12th anniversary is coming up... maybe I'll ask for a lego set!

This is how I would like to organize the legos... but the boys won't have it!

totally humiliated

I think there's a point in your life where you decide that "public humiliation" is a thing of the past. No more being laughed at because you had a zit on your nose, or because you started your period in the junior high showers. (By the way, I'm just now admitting that last one... that's right it took me 20 years to come out about that one.)

I actually started to feel comfortable that I couldn't possibly endure anything worse. That is until last night. I found myself in a conference room surrounded by retired, probably menopausal women with a little too much power. There was a man or two there... but they were lacking a certain genitalia that would actually give them the gumption to stop such a thing from happening.

The meeting was called to order... a motion to start the judicial hearing was seconded... and then 8 pairs of eyes looked my direction.

I gave my "testimony" and then waited, as all eyes continued to look at me.... staring... waiting. I'm not fond of awkward silences, so I added a few more points and then asked if they had any questions. They did not. I then asked what the verdict was. Apparently, they needed time to deliberate and the results would be mailed to me. When I questioned why they couldn't speak to me and give me an idea of what kind of punishment to expect, one lady told me that "In sales, if you feel that you've presented your pitch to the best of your ability, then you just..." she then pulled an invisible zipper over her lips slowly, and sarcastically instructed me to, "stop talking."

So where do you think I was when all of this happened? On trial for murder? NOPE... the local Homeowner's Association.

What was my crime? Failure to remove vines from a brick wall.

I'll spare you the details of it all... but for the record, I did comply in a timely manner, and I personally removed all those vines myself. Is this a personal vendetta from a grumpy board president,you ask? I think so.

Nevertheless with no chance of appeal, I am at their mercy, full of adrenaline, as I pace in front of my mailbox.

"look at them guns"

Today I was driving back from my morning of running errands, and came across a car that was blocking the right lane. A small, grandma-ish woman was on the side of the road mumbling, and putting her hands in the air. Cars were swerving around her and the car. As I got closer, I rolled down my window and asked what she needed. She was very shook up and I told her I was just going to pull over at the next street. She looked panicked as I drove away about 20 feet.

Turns out, she had a blown out tire. I drove grandma's car onto the side street behind my car and asked her who I could call. Her son was 1 hour away, and when he didn't seem to have a solution... I was left to figure out a plan. Meanwhile, another woman pulled over to help and she walked to the next block to ask for help from the police who was dealing with an accident. Although the police couldn't leave the accident scene, they put a call in for some help.

None of us were sure how long this would take and I couldn't, in good conscience, leave grandma by herself. I also couldn't sit there and do nothing, so I started rummaging through her trunk for a jack and spare tire. I had already loosened the lugnuts, and was in the process of jacking up the car, when a nice man pulled up and offered to help. I brushed off my jeans and handed the tire iron over to him.

Part of me was disappointed that I couldn't finish the job, but Brooks was in the car wailing at this point, so I had to relent. As I left, the man said, "I don't doubt you could've done this... just look at them guns." I think he was referring to my flabby, noodle arms when he said that. Nevertheless, I think he was right. I could've got the job done... although I would've been much slower and probably would've missed getting the other kids off the bus. So, as much as it killed me, I let a man finish the job.

I'd like to think I looked like this:



But I have a feeling I looked more like this:

thesaurus

Frequently my two oldest boys find themselves writing sentences for not obeying or talking back. They don't particularly like it... but it quiets them down, and gives me a chance to process what I'm going to do next.

Caleb has simple sentences that he writes 5 to 10 to 15 times, depending on the offense. For example, his favorite sentence to write is, "I will not hit my brothers." ADDED BONUS: is that his handwriting has improved.

Josh, on the other hand, is capable of writing "essays". Depending on the offense, he is required to write 10 to 20 to 30 sentences that are all different. My hope is that he will actually think of reasons why he should not do something, and possibly commit it to memory.

Following are the 10 different sentences he wrote after he... well, you'll get the gist of what he did from HIS own words.

1. I will not be obnoxaus.
2. I will not be crazy.
3. I will not rough house.
4. I will not be wild.
5. I will not be brutish.
6. I will be civilized.
7. I will not be beastly.
8. I will not be a savage.
9. I will be sophisticated.
10.I will be polite.

ADDED BONUS: He has mastered the Thesaurus.

shuffle

Tonight I plugged myself into my iPod... pressed "shuffle" and decided to listen to whatever came up next... no exceptions. I play these little games with myself to make chores more fun.

Normally my thought process while doing dishes is something like this, "how is possible we have this many dishes?.... gag a little as I grab the mushy bread in the corner of the sink... cram just one more cup in... crap, I forgot to rinse out that oatmeal bowl... tomorrow I'm only using paper plates!"
You get the idea.

But what happened next, was nothing short of miraculous! My thoughts were transformed into the following:

Endurance... Determination... Strength... Speed... I am strong... I can do it!

Click here to find out what song I was listening to tonight. It just might change your attitude about doing dishes!!!

Iguana poop

Brooks and I just learned how to make strawberry plants grow on Go Diego Go. See, a big storm came and destroyed all the strawberry plants right before the Strawberry Festival! Oh no! Now Abuelito needs help to grow enough strawberries in time for the festival!

All they had to do was go into the rainforest and convince an Iguana to eat a whole bunch of strawberries, and then "hold it" until he gets to Abuelito's farm. Then Diego told the Iguano to poop out the seeds in the garden to plant the seeds. Despite the fact that Diego was talking about Iquana poop, I really thought there must be some catch. But I watched (almost in horror) as the Iguana walked among the rows in the garden, in perfectly straight rows, and "pooped out the seeds" so the strawberries will grow! Seriously, I'm NOT making this up!

Now I know why MY strawberries didn't grow very well this year. All I need to get next year is an iguana and strawberries!

Oh, and apparently I'm not the only one who thought that was weird. Here's a clip on YouTube so you can see for yourself. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5WEibfjai0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULif2iOtik0

'Twas the night before school....

'Twas the night before school starts, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring... not even 3 rowdy little boys! SERIOUSLY! The house is empty, and I'm starting to get concerned!

It all started this morning when I woke up with a hangover... well, not really, because I haven't been drinking...nor have I ever! so who am I kidding? I don't even know what a hangover feels like. Well here, I'll just tell you how I felt and you can judge for yourself. I felt dizzy, nausious, head throbbing, and on the verge of passing out.... now doesn't that sound like a hangover to you???

ANYWAY, I think I literally felt the earth spinning on its axis today... so I spent the majority of the day on my left side with my eyes closed... some of the time I was asleep, but I was mostly awake. I tried to get up and get a few things done, but coming down the stairs was more like a roller coaster ride and sitting at the computer screen was like a trip to the IMAX.

So to help me out, Mike took the kids for the day. Apparently Josh had baseball practice tonight and so they're still all there. The house is quiet... it's dark... and we should be getting ready for school tomorrow, but there is no one around.

What's a mom to do???