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totally humiliated


I think there's a point in your life where you decide that "public humiliation" is a thing of the past. No more being laughed at because you had a zit on your nose, or because you started your period in the junior high showers. (By the way, I'm just now admitting that last one... that's right it took me 20 years to come out about that one.)

I actually started to feel comfortable that I couldn't possibly endure anything worse. That is until last night. I found myself in a conference room surrounded by retired, probably menopausal women with a little too much power. There was a man or two there... but they were lacking a certain genitalia that would actually give them the gumption to stop such a thing from happening.

The meeting was called to order... a motion to start the judicial hearing was seconded... and then 8 pairs of eyes looked my direction.

I gave my "testimony" and then waited, as all eyes continued to look at me.... staring... waiting. I'm not fond of awkward silences, so I added a few more points and then asked if they had any questions. They did not. I then asked what the verdict was. Apparently, they needed time to deliberate and the results would be mailed to me. When I questioned why they couldn't speak to me and give me an idea of what kind of punishment to expect, one lady told me that "In sales, if you feel that you've presented your pitch to the best of your ability, then you just..." she then pulled an invisible zipper over her lips slowly, and sarcastically instructed me to, "stop talking."

So where do you think I was when all of this happened? On trial for murder? NOPE... the local Homeowner's Association.

What was my crime? Failure to remove vines from a brick wall.

I'll spare you the details of it all... but for the record, I did comply in a timely manner, and I personally removed all those vines myself. Is this a personal vendetta from a grumpy board president,you ask? I think so.

Nevertheless with no chance of appeal, I am at their mercy, full of adrenaline, as I pace in front of my mailbox.

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3 Responses to "totally humiliated"

Tiffany said... September 22, 2011 at 9:24 AM

sounds like somebody has too much time on their hands if they are worrying you about vines...I hope you gave it to them good and if they need a little more persuasion then I say we break out the TP! hahaha! jk jk (well maybe not ;))

Tisha said... September 22, 2011 at 10:51 AM

Pfff, HOA... the NERVE!
I saw them pacing around my front lawn yesterday taking a good long look. They even had a hushed conversation before moving on. I'm sure we'll be getting a notice soon for "weeds in joints" or something of that sort.

Morgan -Ing said... September 22, 2011 at 7:54 PM

The more I hear about HOAs from all over the country, the more convinced I am that they are of the devil. DEVIL I say. DEVIL.

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